Replying to a comment on:

Poem from a gurney (Free verse) by INTRANSIT

The tap slides in the spigot is opened and 38 year wine flows out. Dear miserables it is not my bag any more as I grasp this small plum ball gently squeezing keeping this paperclip tangle tight the spiral spine wound pages from getting lost this is the best way to give from my easy chair while Mary is still in her spotless white robe I give from the marrow my wholeness rushes where needed outside the wind blows cold the rain falls gutters fill while inside this cantina we join over cookies and grape juice.

Shuushin 13-Oct-06/12:32 PM
line breaks are odd, IT; pieces of this I like alot, but it doesn't flow for me.

trade more active verbs with "hold" "goes", "meet".

Missed opportunities, make all the words worth something.





Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001