Ranger12 Oct 2006

Sweet, very sweet. I'd like to see the rhythm you start with continued all the way through - some of the shorter lines in particular disrupt the way it runs. The end of stanza one is to die for ('a day has passed and left me 30/more before she's back at home' works wonders). Perhaps you could trim a few occasions of 'love' here and there - by the time I got to the end, the word had lost a lot of its impact through the repetitions.
Still a lovely, lovely read :-)