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Week End Justification (Free verse) by half.italian

Bones rubber a bit loose ends defray mind eases Sordid pleasures fly tipsy on my tongue but there is no one to hear Knowing that hollow ears would only see words, I will be Kong King of Thought.

LilMsLadyPoet 28-Sep-06/10:22 PM
Cool...I would consider changing the 'ears' line...maybe change 'see' to grasp, grab,...I don't know; maybe not...you are in a fog of thought and reacting from an inner, gut level and language here. I would probably use just such a phrase, especially within the context of internal dialog.
The first read-through didn't grab me, but after a second, then a third read, it grew on me. I do think it has potential to be more...not by way of excessive wording- but in expounding. I'd like to know more...from point a to point b, etc.




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