ecargo18 Sep 2006

Probably works pretty well as a spoken word piece--there is a kind of street-beat to it. Descriptive, but some of the descriptions lack freshness, a unique way of putting things. Pretty good overall, but I think your contempt for the slummers weakens the impact overall--the bleakness comes through strongly, but I think it would be even more effective if your disdain (your narrator's disdain) was tempered with more, I dunno, wistfulness or some softer emotion.