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Suicide Dream (Free verse) by Ranger

"...so he swam, collarless and torn to seek a swift escape from the ceaseless song of crickets; the voice of madness calling. When barely more than quarter of a league had passed he paused and saw again a body floating by the bank. Slender in her dark green dress stood a silent lily, the flower of death and the coffin's call. He breathed slowly..." Peace lily, midnight pool Pale candle, rippled shawl You, your tilted head A weighted flame With nothing but a silken skein for warmth To cover - maybe hide - you 'til the dawn No creature stirs Still you burn so white And seeds are shed as stepping stones To catch the waxing moon That pastel photograph of you Peace lily, midnight pool Green-leaf lover, waterfall How you despised the way your colours ran Yet there was something in the skin Of your reflection after dark To make you watch and wait and wonder As it spun a stem of silver In the wake of parted twilight Like a mirror, after dark Peace lily, midnight pool Ashen eyes, plate-glass pall I return; your head is bowed To tumble down and stare straight past the weeds Where you were sketched on water's edge Vertical and buried, straw-like Snapped by your own hand A broken sceptre crowned in bloodied skies Before the peace And insects' song singing for the wise

Friend 29-Jul-06/12:48 PM
Hmm, well I don't want to sound rude but this has been done a million times before, mostly on poemranker. Seriously, the 'loneliness-pain-death' theme could not be more overused. If you do think it's a subject you want to write about then please please please find a more original way of saying it. Have a read around poemranker, 50% of the poems on here contain more or less the same content as this, and that makes it boring for those few of us who actually read what's posted. If you really want to grab the reader's attention, give them something unique, clever and surprising.

Read through a few dozen of the poems here in the lower half, note the recurring themes/phrases/words and avoid them at all costs. I'm not joking - count how many other pieces contain 'tears', 'loneliness', 'heart', 'pain', 'hurt' and 'fear'. You'll see what I mean; after reading a few they all start to blend into one and aren't interesting. Or if you don't want to read through all those poems, read the definition of 'pimple poem' given on the ranker.

I hope this is ultimately of some use to you with your writing.




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