Replying to a comment on:

A man’s life (My Life) (Free verse) by lol

As an adult trapped in a bedridden body with limbs that cannot move. Television programmes, news, politics will only show the inspiring people of them all and hide the truth. A man who thought that he was about to escape the clutches of his parents. The unexpected incident happen which threw him into an abyss chain to his parents. The parents who thought it was about time to be free from this burden. Suddenly addition load was thrown on them for them to shoulder because of the burden and forget about retirement. Their and his hopes and dreams were shattered in the very moment. Cruelty of the accident had sent them on a nightmare journey in lightning movement. What to Eat and Drink was something he could have before chosen. Now he just opens his mouth and gobble whatever without bothering what is given. When to pee and poop is no longer what he can do naturally. He now relies on equipment and medication for such to happen systematically. When sleeping, it is recommended, he be turn every two hours to prevent sores. Normal People will do it subconsciously when their body calls for. People keep on saying why not go out on your wheelchair. He finds it sickening to hear this as if a bedridden can jump to it without care. Communication was not in his family in the past. Discussion brings quarrel when done in the present. So zip his mouth he does, past memories haunt him it does. These made him build a wall around his mind, for the sake of sanity he must. Young master is he of the house he is, Subjected to the maid’s tantrum he does. For everyday, sunrises and sunsets, is the same. All he pleads for is nothing will go wrong. Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter have come and gone. Laying on the bed he remains enthrone. When will he be finally release from the tomb? Written by lol

wilco 6-Jul-06/9:32 PM
First, the gramatical errors in this are downright terrible and make it extremely hard to read. I understand the point you're trying to get across, but your thoughts aren't cohesive. It's like yuo just though of a line, wrote it down and then forgot what you were driving at. I'm guessing you're young. Try reading some other poetry to get an idea of how to structure and write. Also, work on your grammar because the way this is now, it just doesn't make a lot of sense.

Also, if you want people to read and comment on your poems, don't you think it would be courteous to read and comment on some other people's works yourself?




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001