Poemranker [Replying] Sun Nov 24 19:20:21 PST 2024

Replying to a comment on:

Still Air Sticks (Free verse) by Sunny

The rubber bands, the burnished coins collected conservatively, a refrigerator with nothing: the night falls on this. To say her pules carried from the back porch is unjust. She wailed. She bellowed deep from her morrows. We all made a pack and howled because of what remained in that truck: the splattered ruby that left me real and raw, as raw as the demise of his face complimenting stagnant air with flies. We killed all other details with pitchforks and foraged for what was left in aftermath's footprints: burnished coins in the bedroom, some rubberbands limp on the floor and his white refrigerator, always hungry.

Ranger

1-Jun-06/2:15 PM

I see nothing grammatically wrong with this. Morrows are also merely 'mornings', with a little interpretation that line makes perfect sense to me, although it is admittedly a fairly archaic usage of the word.

What I love about your poetry (among other things) is that I just keep getting drawn back...whenever I think I've cracked something, I see something else which could lead to another route of interpretation. I don't often find that balance in poetry. Not only that, but I always find myself learning new vocabulary and advanced lexicon without the poem feeling at all stilted. I like having to do a bit of research when I'm reading poems, and you leave enough clues within the lines to point me in the right direction.

As for this particular poem, well I have a few ideas brewing about it to which I will return tomorrow. For now I'll just say that if my inclination is right, and I figure this one out without too much assistance, this is probably your best so far. I wouldn't normally vote this early in a reading, but to nullify the trolling damage here's a 9. I'll be back to this one though, rest assured.

Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry

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