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Numbers add to nothing (Free verse) by Caducus

Eighth cell one man four straps thirty four years, five murders. Three syringes four guards eighteen Witnesses thirty four years - six months and four days, gone in two minutes eleven seconds. One Bible in two limp hands, One last thought 23-09-56 exodus. four tears sixteen smiles. One priest. One prayer. One day in America nothing changes.

lmp 19-May-06/11:22 AM
i like this; my vote now is not set in stone. i think this has more potential...

some thoughts:
the purist in me would arrange so each time a number is mentioned it is the beginning of a new line. i would count the "nothing" as a number...
i am not sure what the intent is, but there is potential for it to have a more powerful impact. not sure exactly how... maybe with more of the "four tears, sixteen smiles" sort of imagery that tells us of the emotion.
"four tears" could all be from one eye otr two, no?
maybe "thirty-two dry eyes" instead of sixteen smiles; i cannot imagine that many people smiling at an execution, even if they do want to see the guy dead.

i like the concept of the title, but it may be a little to literal. maybe drop out "numbers" or try "sum of nothing", "nothing totalled" , etc.
AH! "empty tally", that's my choice.




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