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Sun (Pantoum) (Other) by Sunny

Dirty girl. You groan your way to the top of the ladder then ascend down with your ferocious fever and burnt belly. You groan your way to the top. You have ruby lips - a splintered body from bottled light, with your ferocious fever and burnt belly. The purest cast cracks at the bottom where deep orange forms. You have ruby lips - a splintered body from bottled light, We see you, and we see through the red lips, bloody face well romanced. We have found your purest cast cracks at the bottom where deep orange forms. Bend the people to your current doldrums...because you never shout and brood like today. We see you, and we see through the red lips, bloody face well romanced. Yellow reviver, we miss the lemon in you, the mustard seed shine, sunflower overcasts... Don't bend the people to your current doldrums...because you never shout and brood like today. Dirty girl.

Ranger 11-May-06/6:58 AM
Any time! Being able to give relevant crits to other peoples' works is important to me - I've been learning by seeing what comments ALChemy gives to poems here; he is particularly good at spotting meanings in poetry. Same applies to ecargo. It's funny how poemranker is just as good at improving reading of poetry as it is at improving writing.
Personally I love puns and other wordplay - it's often the case that puns get included unintentionally, but are vital to the reading of a text. I wish that more people would comment on your poems though...it'd be interesting to compare readings of them.

Always glad to be of some use :-D




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