Poemranker [Replying] Thu Nov 21 15:34:27 PST 2024

Replying to a comment on:

Jesus Around Your Neck (Final Version) (Free verse) by Wakeboarder20

Lie, cheat, and steal but spout proverbs with every step. Cover your hands with blood as you climb up that ladder. Just make sure you pray it all away. Condemn, judge, and manipulate. Make sure they all know your act; a successful man of the world all with Jesus hanging around your neck.

Ranger

30-Apr-06/3:05 AM

This seems to be a tirade against someone with a very holier-than-thou attitude - in which case the only line I have yet to place firmly is 'An angel with a life full of sin', whether it's a different person to the one mentioned in the line above or, if as I suspect, it's about someone who doesn't practise what they preach. Someone who indulges rather than abstains.
Good lines! I like the word choice in here, sufficiently nasty and vicious without being overtly violent. Also, the use of 'spit' and 'spite' so close together works well to invoke 'spirit' (ordinarily I'd be unimpressed by such repetition in poetry; here however it has good effects). So really, no crits that I can see straight away. Maybe I'll find something later but I don't feel very nitpicky today.
'Jesus hanging round your neck' is a superb line - such a contrast in the double meanings give it a wonderful ambiguity which I really like.

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