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my girl's day [tri-ku] (Haiku) by lmp

morning sunbeams catch fairies dancing in the air; my girl claps with glee. golden curls bouncing, her shadow shortens, she runs, her laughter fluid. quiet face looks up to moonlight and stars above. she whispers goodnight.

Ranger 18-Apr-06/2:04 PM
I'm liking this edit. It seems more, well, complete than previously. You've got the day theme done well, I forgot to say earlier that I like how 'golden curls' invokes images of noon sun.
Feel free to use anything I suggest; I tend to assume that any phrase I put forward won't be transferred directly, but sometimes seeing a passage in print triggers a train of thought which arrives at a different yet related phrase.
This has a great variety of words in - something which is often lacking somehow in haiku collections. Overall, nice work.




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