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Darker Days (Free verse) by oneglove

Memories in steamer trunks Absorbing dirt and grime The tingeing of their corners Seem to brighten darker times Look beneath your memories Her short black dress, long walks in spring Look past smiles and bleeding skies Find your lover’s tear stained eyes Twin sapphires set in snow Look like a murder scene Once they screamed 'I love you' Now they only scream

Niphredil 27-Mar-06/10:27 AM
Screamed 'I love you' sounds a little forced. It's as if someone was forcing them to do it.

How about altering the last two lines to:
'Once they cried 'I love you',
Now they only cry.'

then you get a little word-play on 'cry' as well. it would require changing the rhyme though. :-)




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