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Black Belt (Free verse) by etherealmaiden

Homework to do Grades to get I must be perfect Tighten the Belt Roommate troubles Feeling left out I must try harder Tighten the Belt Room is a mess Parents are mad I must clean up Tighten the Belt Friends are gone Relationships lost I must find a way Tighten the Belt Couples all around Love in the air I must get a man Tighten the Belt Eating less food Reflection looks worse I must lose weight Tighten the Belt Everything's wrong Never good enough I must get it right Failing to breathe Spiraling thoughts I am in heaven One more notch

Ranger 18-Mar-06/2:21 PM
This is cool, nicely concise - fast as though struggling for breath (due to the belt being too tight). There are a couple of places where I'd change word choices purely for rhythmical reasons - 'couples all around' I'd change to 'couples around', 'I must lose weight' would work better as 'I have to lose weight', but to be fair these are just small issues. Overall, not bad!




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