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Darker Days (Free verse) by oneglove

Memories in steamer trunks Absorbing dirt and grime The tingeing of their corners Seem to brighten darker times Look beneath your memories Her short black dress, long walks in spring Look past smiles and bleeding skies Find your lover’s tear stained eyes Twin sapphires set in snow Look like a murder scene Once they screamed 'I love you' Now they only scream

Ranger 24-Feb-06/6:29 AM
Crikey, where do I begin with this one? I really like this poem, the first and last stanzas shine very brightly for me. 'Caviar dreams' I swear I've seen before, which is a bit of a shame as it detracts slightly from the overall originality of the piece. The same applies to 'bleeding skies'; in my opinion the second stanza could do with a reworking to bring it to the standard of the other two.
The final stanza is fantastic, perhaps 'I love you' should be in quote marks?
'Twin sapphires set in snow/Look like a murder scene'.
8 for now, with a rework of stanza two this will be at least a nine.




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