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Gunsong (Free verse) by MacFrantic

-I- The sea sickles Tears and eats the shore Culls the frigid burrs Of plants more often wintry Than all the spiky seeds of summer -II- Upon the twirling bay Stand columned ghouls Stretched like a phantom totem pole Reaching outward and upward To gather all the rays of sun Where they sway as death sways As she drifts -III- It was a harmless guarantee A suicide of pixies When she embraced the trigger And soliloquized on faith Of all hallowed floods Where demons withdraw For the Earth to call them graves And sleep to a purring gun’s song -IV- Oh shame be strong Like drunken feral fevers That write white lines Of honesty in shapes unseen And mock the selfless prayer To see the pinnacle fall Into what the ocean like lithe Branches happens to be Alive and frequently mortal

ecargo 20-Feb-06/7:53 AM
Really interesting and fresh images. Some of it gets a little too self-consciously "poetic" for me, but you keep the language pretty simple which helps it from becoming overly flowery. Somethings get a little blurry:

"plants more often wintry
Than all the spiky seeds of summer " ? More wintry than the . . . seeds of summer are wintry? I don't think that's what you mean, but it's what you say. Do you need "phantom" given that you have "ghouls" already? How's a "suicide of pixies" a "harmless guarantee"--things like that. Cool, overall though--I'd like more coherence, but it's original and you've got something good to work with.







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