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Russian Roulette (Free verse) by <~>

Twenty years later, the first thing I notice Are your laughing eyes, laughing after everything Crazy, maybe... but surely kind (I didn't know about the accident) When you crack a smile, the cracks bleed true Leaking out the light behind colored blue blue blue let the sorrow through Everything will be True Your tears would have drowned his ghost had he ever appeared; instead they Dry in the wind as you ride home helmetless, alone He left you undone, still Laughing until that shot stopped everything; in the kitchen, ruined by that hole he blew and you never heard the crack but The recoil sent you sprawling He didn't leave a note or clean up his mess He left you with a toddler and a ring--between you Just all that blood The one you loved was gone before he left He took the bet Six chances to prove something Five held nothing for him One cashed in and Found what he was looking for

poetandknowit 9-Sep-02/10:01 PM
You just changed the style of this. Last time it came up, I set it aside because of the style, so wise choice in the change. You used laugh in some form 5 times and crack 3 times - is it intended repetition? Third stanza is excellent, but I have trouble with the second and the poem seems to drag along at times to the end. Seems you mixed some moving and downright fine images, with "just getting it all out on paper." Take the comma from behind "left." I think it has more power without any pause and it creates a nice image. Just a thought. I don't know, I like the poem overall, (it is not a triangle) but it could use some tightening, especially in the 4th stanza.




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