Replying to a comment on:

Whales in Gastineau Channel (Free verse) by zodiac

Cars parked on the shoulder. Seaward an orca with her calves breaches as though mere air should buoy her as much as salt water. The crowd here wishes it were so: Nikons and anoraks, they hoot each time she thrusts skyward and, finding slim purchase, thrusts again, hard, beating wind with her huge flukes, becomes more air- than sea-borne, finally sinks. Me, I can’t understand this yen that makes one give up liquid for gas, something tenuous for something always fragiler. I ache for earth's kiss, your floating skin press.

richa 6-Feb-06/3:10 PM
Isn't it more fragile (I know you put in fragiler for a reason but I am at a loss, other than to make the poem more idiosyncratic, what that reason is). And the last sentence doesn't do it. There is no need to talk of your ache, it is inferred by your opposition to 'something always fragiler'. I think the poem would end better keeping on the theme of others yen for fragility. Then don't touch it. The details are fine.




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001