Adriaan6 Feb 2006

Hi Ranger,

I love your poem - it really paints a picture for me. I think it would read easier if you split it into stanzas. The natural points (to my eye) were after With a pale flame and 'Hail Mary'; As the sunset sets a flame on cross /*cross on flame?*/; But Miriam finds herself under streetlights; She thinks it's better with two; Bathed in silk, blessed by musk; Miriam; Hailing Mary.

I also thought that 'As the darkness is failing, wailing' would be better without the 'wailing'. Somehow the line 'She thinks it's better with two' doesn't work for me.

Thanks,

Adriaan