Replying to a comment on:

Whales in Gastineau Channel (Free verse) by zodiac

Cars parked on the shoulder. Seaward an orca with her calves breaches as though mere air should buoy her as much as salt water. The crowd here wishes it were so: Nikons and anoraks, they hoot each time she thrusts skyward and, finding slim purchase, thrusts again, hard, beating wind with her huge flukes, becomes more air- than sea-borne, finally sinks. Me, I can’t understand this yen that makes one give up liquid for gas, something tenuous for something always fragiler. I ache for earth's kiss, your floating skin press.

Dovina 3-Feb-06/10:31 AM
"breaches" as in breaches the water, is an intolerable twist, I'm afaid. And you do need something before "Nikons" for grammar's sake or as your gramma must have said said. I suppose "purchase" means something in this context. And "yen" as in yearning is old usage misplaced in the new. And Earth's kiss, well, you've been in water and air up to now, why enter the earth?




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001