ecargo28 Jan 2006

Lots to like, Ranger. This may be the best thing you've posted. "Reflections of the moon, its ferris spin" is a terrific line.

Some of the rhymes are distracting--seem the sort of thing you'd do in a first draft and maybe kill later.

Re: Lorelei, maybe go with Lilith or some other biblical character instead (to play off Mary) or someone in a similar role in French myth/lit (since it's Paris)?

Great energy to this.