zodiac24 Dec 2005

"in escape" in the last line could be better worded. And I agree with whoever said you should put some periods at the ends of your sentences. Possibly also break up this big block of text into couplets or tercets. (Yes, I know it's supposed to be endless as a train, but poemranker's fixed-width text makes long stretches like this look positively Everestlike.) Otherwise, this isn't bad. I wasn't blown away, but you kept me reading til the end.