zodiac10 Dec 2005

You're welcome. I hope you're not bothered or insulted or anything.

There is such a thing as poetic license, and it basically means 'seeing how much you can get away with, asking your reader to go along with something unnatural or untrue.' For example, I once wrote a poem where a duck slit its own wrists. Another time, I wrote a poem where a white man's mother was black. The part of your 5 loaves poem where you said the people were dying of hunger takes poetic license, since it's not true to the real Bible story. Sometimes people go along with poetic license, sometimes they object. Poetic license doesn't mean that they have to accept it.

Passive tense means saying "The chair was built by me", "The game was won by Lahore", etc. You don't do that in your poem.

I would never ask you to change your poetic style. But surely if you could improve it with just a little work, you would, right? I think you can. I don't mean to be trashing your style, yourself, or anything else. I'm writing such long nitpicky reviews because I see that (unlike a lot of poemranker users) you have talent and you listen to suggestions. That means your already better than 99% of the people out there. Anyway, please don't feel bad. -zodiac