Replying to a comment on:

a fat man on the dock (Free verse) by ay deee

on the thread the nut tightens sixteen different ways to balance on one foot i am the black bear lunchbox, munchbox wicker handles and weave ham baloney and mayonaise cheesey curls in a plastic baggie palmed applesauce spoon disappears carrot babies and celery minute health baked not fried potato bits soft serve belly yummy gummy tummy thanks dear packed tack tight lid enriched pickled puddings fourtune cooked pot steaks and jelly cake where does it all go? siting as a duck would i sense a ripple a gradual tingle calories burn slow

Dovina 21-Oct-05/10:43 AM
Again, the first line (last line in your other poem) seems out of place, though it's a good line. I'd drop the first verse altogether.




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001