nentwined10 May 2002

the first two stanzas lead in well. the third stumbles on "fly so high in my dreams" as overly cliched and as such unecessary to say in so many words. also, use of "it seems" unnecessarily is, well, unnecessary and feels like it was just put there to fit the rhyme and rhythm. the rest is rather mediocre. I think you have a wonderful start, though.