Poemranker [Replying] Thu Nov 21 16:27:42 PST 2024

Replying to a comment on:

The Object of the Game (Free verse) by Dovina

He wallows in hurt of women who wronged him of lovers so shallow they stab him on whims and leave the very next morning Ignoring their words and their wounds he finds others to love and be hurt by They tell him why all this is but heâd rather suffer than listen Heâd rather ignore their multiplied pain While holding his treasure close

zodiac

30-Jun-05/3:09 AM

First and second lines make it sound like the women are the ones hurting, not the man. You can say, "of implies ownership, his hurt simply BELONGS to the women." Whatever. If at some level you're taking this comment seriously then, no, the missing punctuation would not fix it.

Lines two and three make it sound like either the shallow lovers are hurting or the women somehow wronged him of shallow lovers, neither of which is what you mean. You can say, ibid. My answer: ibid.

Second stanza continues the other-people-wounded-not-him. And why do you talk like such an android in your poetry? I expect you at any moment to say, haltingly, "Is this...the thing... that... humans call... love...?"

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