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Anvil man (Free verse) by INTRANSIT

You! Nine to fiver, grinder, anvil-man! You that waits still, for the masters' molten steel whip and the blows of an ever increasing workload. Hold fast your shape as he wields the work-blows and reply with the ever affirming clank as you have done since your casting. For I am the overtimer, grinder, mill-man whose teeth scream as I'm fed poor, bulk, rough material for shaping. I will hold fast my teeth as I'm forced to cut rough into smooth and I will reply with the ever affirming grind-scream as I have done since my build.

nentwined 24-May-05/7:03 PM
"master's molten steel whip" or "masters' molten steel whips"

though I can't really picture a whip of molten steel being very effective

I like what you're doing, but think it needs some grinding. Needs some sharper edges, maybe a bit more beat...

(forgive:

Nine to fiver, slammer, anvil-man!
Anvil-man that waits, still,
for the master's molten whip
and the blows of an ever-climbing load
of work;

Hold fast your shape as he wails the world
and clank your affirmation
as you have done since birth by casting. ))

The second works fairly well as it stands, perhaps.

Though, then, together, I don't get the cohesion of the piece. Why is the mill talking to the anvil? I'm only getting "You exist! I exist!", and I want something more from the exchange...




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