nentwined24 May 2005

"master's molten steel whip" or "masters' molten steel whips"

though I can't really picture a whip of molten steel being very effective

I like what you're doing, but think it needs some grinding. Needs some sharper edges, maybe a bit more beat...

(forgive:

Nine to fiver, slammer, anvil-man!
Anvil-man that waits, still,
for the master's molten whip
and the blows of an ever-climbing load
of work;

Hold fast your shape as he wails the world
and clank your affirmation
as you have done since birth by casting. ))

The second works fairly well as it stands, perhaps.

Though, then, together, I don't get the cohesion of the piece. Why is the mill talking to the anvil? I'm only getting "You exist! I exist!", and I want something more from the exchange...