James Rykelangeli3 Apr 2005

your poetic style (I speak after reviewing your other poems as well) is so turbid that it's impossible for the reader to determine what you're trying to say. i attribute your difficulties communicating clearly to your overriding preference for wording (for which you seem to have talent.) but that talent is completely wasted when it's used improperly, as it is here. you must concentrate -- ferociously -- on clarity and structure. as an exercise, write several rudimentary poems disregarding wording altogether and only work on what you're trying to communicate: what scene, what sentiments? in combating a turbid style, avoid grandiose subject matter and generalities. fix your poetry upon something concrete with which you are familiar, and let it be the medium by which you work. after you've written your rudimentary poems, try reintroducing the wording, but never throw in pretty words for their sake alone: each word must be carefully selected in terms of poetic effect and, once again, clarity. then your talent for wording will be tied together with a strong structure. i wish you the best.