Replying to a comment on:

The Populous (Free verse) by durr_T_hip_E

they run from discontentment and beg for a quiet whispering disconnection in perfect form a water molecule splashing up from a rain puddle under a foot dirty sneakers indicative of experience grey long rain clouds patter necessity to the ground like babies lunging for their right to breathe peacefully dew drops are intently focused upon casual beauty of self a reflection of grasshoppers drowning in this sparkling moment the sidewalk lives less than a block away from any place where oceans collide with sunsets we are warmed here frictionless elements are connected by and by and severed ties remain as the only way to teach unity discontentment disconnects puddle drops from feet we are fleeting carriers

zodiac 23-Mar-05/4:21 AM
Crap, crap, crap.

Here's your constructive criticism:

1) I'd recomment shutting up about proving yourself correct. The reader's likely to think you're a little self-righteous snit.
2) The reader might get a little lost when you leap from -=Dark_Angel=-,P.I.'s comment to him thinking he's God, as calling things bollocks isn't something most people usually think of God as doing.
3) That intellectual capacity thing is crap. For another thing, you know it's not very cogent. And anyway -=Dark_Angel=-,P.I. can argue, reason, communicate in English, type, and do anything else related to posting comments about other people's "unbelievable waffle" better than any Ethiopian, child or not. If you attempt to argue about this, you will be more than usually talking out of your ass.
4) But hey, great title! Hey, people are populous, what a concept!!!!

tchuss,

zodiac




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001