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Director's Cut (Free verse) by New Life Drug

The shooting stars must have helped last night For once in my life something finally went right And tonight I felt the feeling of you talking in my ear We were standing on the wall when you suddenly appeared I was so nervous I was shaking Then you sat right next to me And it all went away Our jeans and legs in a line Our heads moving in perfect time As the music played on I couldn't help but look at you You've got a smile that stops me in my tracks When your eyes follow me away I want to walk right back So keep me coming back I feel a sudden streak of good luck I feel the change, it's like everything's aligned This weekend seemed to go so perfect It all started at the movie I recognized your face And you waved with intentions Of talking to me next time we'd meet And sure enough like a deleted scene The best part of our story ended up on the screen Dreams don't come true, not normally But they always seem to for me and you I suppose good things come to those who wait And I've finally had my day I hope this feeling never goes away

Blue Magpie 6-Sep-04/7:37 AM
Dear NLD,
It is very nice to see something positive being said. As a poem however this lacks that something extra in language usage to really raise it above prose. Also things like we were standing.... when suddenly you appeared, as there are really only the two of you in this story one is left wondering who the first we applies to if 'you' were not there, or how you could have been there and then appeared. All told I think you have a core here but you need to work on it some. Cut, prune and shape it a bit.




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