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Conscription (Free verse) by Caducus

Long after falling He is found, On fields of fastened limbs. In one eager hand A finger curled on bent steel Keen to take life. In the other hand A Mother rolled Desperation eviscerated her In to rips, from the last embrace. The un-immaculate life Now Immaculate. His top pocket checked For a letter or trinket This time a letter Written in capitals Charred at the end Pristine at the start. Back home, In a street of drawn curtains The telegram boy arrives Recently conscripted To deliver the dearly departed In dreadful clatters, Where sons fall once again But this time fall softly Like the words whispered before he left 'See ya soon Mam'.

god'swife 21-Jun-04/7:19 PM
S3 lines 1-5(maybe 6)are good. The rest is not. You're writing doesn't follow any kind of comprehensible path. Except those 6 lines I mentioned.




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