Replying to a comment on:

Trapped in a horseshoe (Free verse) by INTRANSIT

She spins and pops your top serves you cold and deflects the bold with a smile. She's friendly on tap, just for a little while. She works without seam; buddy, confidant, quarterback of the linear team. She likes to mix it up and keep things alive,while hiding her stirring deep deep inside. She can send your troubles away, a cure for the blues. Washes them right down your throat, boilermaker smooth. Dignity intact she still gets undressed by her audience under every nighttime sun. Yet she is the captive one.

Shuushin 9-May-04/5:25 PM
Greets (been hard to get on-line this weekend)!

This has a jaunty little beat, doesn't it. I'd be inclined to change a couple minor things here and there, but overall it's got a solid feel.

Exlamations points might be overdone, and I'd just make that last line go right after the "she", and lastly the capital "And" is pretty jarring.





Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001