zodiac5 May 2004

You'd do Lorca's rhythm better if you wrote something more like:

I want the white water to rest with no bed
I want for the wind to be left without dells

You might at least go 12-syllabic. I see you've (roughly) done it later on, but the first two lines are glaringly off-beat. And the trick of expanding the english line with _____ and/or _____ at the end three stanzas in a row kind of shows. And Lorca punctuated throughout, hijo.

And my one other criticism: you might consider an exciting writer for once. How's your Russian? Some recent Russian poets are totally ace.