Replying to:
ecargo 1-Feb-07/10:08 AM
I am taking this task very seriously. It's a real challenge to find poetry worthy of being labeled the "worst" that meets the given parameters (not just mediocre, but laughably bad, whether intentionally so or not; quotable in a mainstream paper; poets likely to give permission, etc.). It is hard to narrow it down to a reasonable number of finalists--and I've only reviewed the first 200 poets, barely 10 percent! Many of the most likely-to-offend poems are not actually bad poems--the Bobjims, the Garrett Sextons, etc., were actually quite skilled. The pool of contenders shrinks considerably when one takes into account what is publishable. I'm assuming no mainstream publication, even a CANADIAN one, is going to publish a poeme re: "arcy ropes of cum," necrophilia, kiddy porn, granny porn, fucking someone's saggy mother, and so forth (very common themes among the 'rankers). Nor are they likely to include poemes that their readers might find offensive (which rules out bad devotional poems (a popular category), Jesus in general, people's mothers again, Canada, AIDS, etc.) The real challenge, though, is to find bad poemes by poets who will concede that, yes, they are among the worst and give permission to have them publicly acknowledged as such.

What I'm saying, among all the guff, is that after much thought and time spent perusing our collection, here are my initial picks for your consideration:

Anything by rosiebailey (http://www.poemranker.com/user-browse.jsp?id=18454), the self-described "the world's first poet to write virtually no poetry whatsoever."

"Satan's Daughter," by unouluvme ("I suck at poetry"), containing the ace last lines "Pure, tanned and creamy belly/But the Devil's fetus grows inside): http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=116917

"run'em'hard," by grendal: http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=138543

"Pinworms and cake," by baphomet ("15 out of 35 have the itching curse/It can make you scratch till the day you
ride in a hurse [sic] . . . and cake."): http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=67283

"The Wheelchair," by Garrett Sexton: http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=40636 and its companion poeme, Happy Kid: http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=40644

"Available Daily with Sauce," by Garrett Sexton: http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=47126

"F.R.O.G." by Garrett Sexton: http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=64465

The very prophetic "Steve Irwin" by Bobjim: http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=85160

I'll post further suggestions as time allows.

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