Fifth is nifty, or so they all say. What's just so nifty--is it turning gray? Or joints that rebel whenever you try To sit down or stand up; you think you'll just die. Your eyes just don't function as well as they did; You can't find your glasses--you swear they've been hid. And then they're all dirty and blurry and such. Perhaps you don't need them--Oh, yeah, right! Not much! Your hearing's as good as when you were young, It's just that your family speaks softly for fun; The newsman has microphone trouble again; At church it's the front pew--the preacher's new plan. You run to the bathroom each hour on the dot. Should you be drinking that coffee or not? French fries and bacon and other good stuff Make high cholest'rol--gee, fifty is ruff. And then there's the mem'ry that's not quite as sharp-- But lets not start learning to play your new harp. No, you're not young, but here's what is nifty-- Some senior discounts begin when you're fifty.