No pretty girl ever said, "I'll hold the door." At airports, in communal restrooms we, in fits of outrage, have never unearthed the porcelain: lifted the pipe-hollowed bath screaming "Fuck Delta!" Civilized? Dammit- apes don't need Prozac, or alcohol. Show me hell on Earth and I'll, (so help me J.C.) I'll write a play explaining why it's better for God to destroy; better for him to route existence than to watch us suffer. And I'll have thespians in leggings deliver sleepy monologues- mostly about hardships in Midwestern states- to an audience of proud critics, each fumbling with their notepad; each wondering why, in place of eating at an adequately starred restaurant, they should care about "Eden People." No pretty girl ever said, "I'll hold the door...please." Well, except that one...and she liked my tie.