Help | About | Suggestions | Alms | Chat [0] | Users [0] | Log In | Join
 Search:
Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments   

There was . . . (Free verse) by baphomet
I loved it when there was the ocean salt and slight after taste of coconut lingering in my mouth. There was the frequent North West swells that would suede me to the endless waves. There was the vast tropical mountain side taunting me to explore it. There was the petrifying feeling when I readied myself to plunge off a thirty feet waterfall. There was a way I pulled out the prawns from the trap, like playing with a barrel of monkeys. There was always the haunting feeling of eyes watching you while I would dive for lobster at dusk. There was a torch in one hand and spear in the other while I combed the reef for octopus. There was an over sized enjoyment of fighting and reeling up an over sized Blue fined travaley. There was the death defying hunt of the elusive Razor back boar. There was then the gruesome partaking of the removal of pig intestines. There was the digging of the imu, lighting of the pit and putting the pig in. There was the time consuming task of cooking and preparing for the luau. There was the painful reunion of the mass quantity of family, like a stamped of cattle, but instead of of horns they would kill me with kisses. There was the much anticipated feast an cornucopia of sustenance. There was the effect of over eating sleepiness, and the five hour coma. And then there was the great dream of what will do tomorrow ? But now I’m in Hollywood a place where I can only activate my infinity. Seeing it all In my head like a moving picture.


You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 10
.. 00
.. 00
.. 10
.. 10
.. 10
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 10

Arithmetic Mean: 5.6
Weighted score: 5.0715218
Overall Rank: 6559
Posted: September 23, 2003 8:34 PM PDT; Last modified: September 23, 2003 8:34 PM PDT
View voting details
Comments:
[7] boldsilence @ 68.11.251.86 | 25-Jun-04/6:32 PM | Reply
I don't like the form this was written in at all. It makes it seem unlike poetry. If you had just written it in a different form, I think that would have made it a lot better. My rating won't reflect that, though. Just for future reference.

-Nichole-

P.S. - I'd appreciate it if you'd read and review one of my poems in return.
[5] Jill Stockinger @ 0:0:0:0:0:0:0:1 | 22-Dec-20/5:05 PM | Reply
(stampede of cattle, not stamped of cattle)
Cannot conceive of how a wave "suede"s- swayed? What?
Oversized- one word- aftertaste, one word. Do your proofreading before submitting. " a cornucopia" not an cornucopia. "What we'll do tomorrow? Not "What will do". Too many errors detracted from enjoying the poem.
213 view(s)




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001