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Lonely Soul (Free verse) by sir_heff Loneliness creeps up behind my back
And whacks me in the head with a bat
As the pain rushes to my brain
I hope it never comes back again
But that loneliness is always there
It never sleeps and itâs always aware
Iâve tried and tried to get rid of it
Canât get it to budge a bit
As I search for the needle of happiness
In the haystack of hell, its back again
It strikes me down
And as I fall
I suddenly can see it all-
Happiness is a dream to me
A dream that I will never see
Loneliness is there for me
Like it or not, its all I can be
Up the ladder:
Hold That Pose
Down the ladder:
The Girl for Me
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.285714
Posted: May 30, 2003 11:01 AM PDT; Last modified: May 30, 2003 11:01 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.345782 Overall Rank: 3409 Comments:
[7]
Shardik @ 24.126.113.154
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30-May-03/12:02 PM
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Reply
Yes, rhyming brain with again gives me a buzz, always.
okay, cuz im yur friend and all, i have to point out little things. there are a few bumps in the proverbial road of this poem. when they are smoothed it makes it easier for people to read and know what youre saying. the bumps include instances where ryhmes or lengths dont match up well (lines 1 and 8 maybe). and in certain areas you cease to use the pattern used throughout the rest of the poem (3rd stanza) but this IS free verse and you very well may have wanted it that way so maybe i shouldnt say anything. NEwho, i feel the idea behind it(though it may be a tad depressing). 8 on principal :)
why are you daring me to call you a fake
wtf does that mean?
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