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SHE TRIES (Free verse) by calilegzzz
What part is real and what part is a game? Her world falls apart, but is she to blame? Is she sain, or'is she crazy loseing grip on the truth, realities hazy Moments of clarity, so sure of whats real. In the blink of an eye she doesnt know what she feels Is she strong enough to stand on her own And is there anything more then the pain she has known All alone she sits and she cries She is scared and shes tired, But each day she still tries! She wonders what is right and what is wrong It takes all of her strength , to keep holing on So many tears cried that fall to the dirt Will she find her way through all this confusion and hurt Still she beleives in her strength to stand alone She has faith that there's more, then the hell she has known And she wont forget what it is, that she is holding on for.. ..A life beyond addiction, she can't let it win anymore So here alone, she will sit and she'll cry She wont give up, or give in, She will continue to try

Down the ladder: Without Love

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Arithmetic Mean: 3.3333333
Weighted score: 4.8013287
Overall Rank: 11077
Posted: April 10, 2003 7:19 AM PDT; Last modified: April 15, 2003 1:58 AM PDT
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Comments:
[n/a] Another Bobjim?!?! @ 217.40.231.55 | 10-Apr-03/9:15 AM | Reply
Make it a lyric, and maybe another line or two. It doesn't seem quite finished.
[n/a] Another Bobjim?!?! @ 217.40.231.55 > Another Bobjim?!?! | 10-Apr-03/9:17 AM | Reply
On second thoughts, how about 'She's scared ans she's tired and she's mortally hurt' as a last line?
[n/a] calilegzzz @ 172.198.148.74 > Another Bobjim?!?! | 12-Apr-03/6:01 PM | Reply
Try it now Mikius, I repaired it !! I didnt meant to submiot that one, it wasnt quit finished!
And thank you very much for the feed back!!
[8] kalikopeli @ 67.11.146.116 | 14-Apr-03/7:21 AM | Reply
very nice...mabe i would have worded it differently so that it would have a better flow. eg. "will she find her way through all this confusion and hurt?" .... seems too wordy too me. what do you think? dr.
[n/a] calilegzzz @ 172.192.220.102 > kalikopeli | 15-Apr-03/1:57 AM | Reply
I say I think i agree!! thanks.
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