Help | About | Suggestions | Alms | Chat [0] | Users [0] | Log In | Join
 Search:
Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments   

without a father (Free verse) by judea
without a father when daddy left we became welfare bound mama looked for him but he did not want to be found a better life is what my father sought the battle of poverty mama and i fought he never sent any money i dont understand why daddy never left a note or even told me good bye now i suffer without a father by my side the day he left my own childhood died teased at school because i received free lunch all ways alone never part of the bunch i hated school because the poor do not belong my hopes and dreams seem to be gone education means nothing when you have nothing to eat hard to learn when you believe you are beat a child should laugh, sing and play not worry and wonder at night where he will lay how will i forgive him for what he has done that coward that left me as fast as he could run my love for him is fadeing and soon there will be none from this child without a father his very own son

Up the ladder: Care Bears in Bondage
Down the ladder: The Fate of the Gilt

You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 01
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 10
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 10

Arithmetic Mean: 5.0
Weighted score: 5.0
Overall Rank: 7856
Posted: February 25, 2003 9:01 PM PST; Last modified: February 25, 2003 9:01 PM PST
View voting details
Comments:
[5] OneFingerAnswer @ 216.138.10.3 | 26-Feb-03/12:29 AM | Reply
I'm not sure if it was intentional or not but the lack of punctuation and capitalization together with the rhyme scheme lend the poem a childish feel but the words and tense give it a clashing more adolescent feel. I think that a rewrite with words more appropriate for a child and with a present tense or punctuation and capitalization could help. If the lack of the two is just laziness then shame on you. A poet should know that every part of a work plays into how it is read.
123 view(s)




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001