poemranker ::without a father by judea

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Free verse № 41698

without a father

Member since 2003 · Posted 25 Feb 2003 · 1 comment

without a father when daddy left we became welfare bound mama looked for him but he did not want to be found a better life is what my father sought the battle of poverty mama and i fought he never sent any money i dont understand why daddy never left a note or even told me good bye now i suffer without a father by my side the day he left my own childhood died teased at school because i received free lunch all ways alone never part of the bunch i hated school because the poor do not belong my hopes and dreams seem to be gone education means nothing when you have nothing to eat hard to learn when you believe you are beat a child should laugh, sing and play not worry and wonder at night where he will lay how will i forgive him for what he has done that coward that left me as fast as he could run my love for him is fadeing and soon there will be none from this child without a father his very own son

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mean 5.00 weighted 5.00 rank 7848 views 123 View voting details →

3 votes so far. Yours would make 4.3 votes so far

1 comment

[5] OneFingerAnswer 26-Feb-03/12:29 AM Reply
I'm not sure if it was intentional or not but the lack of punctuation and capitalization together with the rhyme scheme lend the poem a childish feel but the words and tense give it a clashing more adolescent feel. I think that a rewrite with words more appropriate for a child and with a present tense or punctuation and capitalization could help. If the lack of the two is just laziness then shame on you. A poet should know that every part of a work plays into how it is read.