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daddy's little girl (Free verse) by imfine_really7
Devestated of this life I'm living. What is my hearts purpose, it doesn' t seem to stop beating. Nothing seems to make sense, it doesn't seem right. I'm getting too weak to go on, too weak to fight. This is like one big nightmare and I can't wake. I wonder......when is the last breath I will take......... just remember me as: the one who was paid to smile, the one who thought about herself for a little while. The one who said: let things pass it'll be okay. The one who never spoke about her pain, the one that didn't explain...... The one who hid in her own little world...... But most of all remember me as: " Daddy's little princess", "Daddy's little girl"

Down the ladder: Retail

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Arithmetic Mean: 3.0
Weighted score: 4.905148
Overall Rank: 9724
Posted: August 27, 2007 11:01 PM PDT; Last modified: August 27, 2007 11:01 PM PDT
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Comments:
[6] Dovina @ 12.72.42.250 | 28-Aug-07/1:41 PM | Reply
The second half is better than the first. Tone down the self-pity in the first half.
[n/a] Ranger @ 86.153.11.180 | 28-Aug-07/2:36 PM | Reply
In poetic terms it could be improved. In real life terms I do hope it's not from personal experience.
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