| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Thoughtless Deed (Free verse) by craiggiarc1971 You're all to happy to do the deed
To plant the seed
Inside
But then you go and hide
You turn your head away
And you say
"It's not my fault"
But you're not caught
With what's left
But you're very deft
At turning your back
Now you're out of the sack
But I'm still here
Facing the fear
Because all I can do
Is struggle through
The rest of my life
With as little strife
That is permitted
Since you committed
The thing only I love
With your thoughtless shove
Up the ladder:
Thank You
Down the ladder:
Wood Grain Secert
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.5
Posted: September 6, 2002 5:05 PM PDT; Last modified: September 6, 2002 5:05 PM PDTWeighted score: 4.9403987 Overall Rank: 9030 Comments:
[n/a]
god'swife @ 209.178.176.95
|
6-Sep-02/7:48 PM
|
Reply
Really awful, and pregnant with bad grammaticals.
"I only love"sounds better.No direct hint to the thoughtless deed.maybe intentional?It's good and could be better if your tone be more offensive and sharp towards those who have commited the deed the You only loved.I'll read it again and will give a better grade if you arrange it once more.but in its present form 5
Constructive critism would be good!
Do you mean mine was one or not?thanks
Good use of 'strife' to rhyme with 'life'! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK! I'M SURE YOU'LL BE A POPULAR POETE IN NO TIME!!!!!!!1111111111111
No not you vulcan, sorry. I was refereing to god'swife.
i give it a 6,still need to improve i guess but it's a good work though
124 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
