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C a n u t e (Free verse) by Mr Pig On the blasphemous sands
I wrote you a Sonnet beneath your name
Waves bowed before my feet
Touching the hem of my aura,
Willing the sea and west wind back
But I am no Canute.
All love is distant
And I will fill your footprints with tears
I will drown like the Egyptians
For the weight of water
Is lighter than this burden of lost love.
When you stare in to the ocean
Feeling your breasts beneath a canescent moon
I will watch you from our sea bed
In a fixed gaze smiling, waiting, yearning
Impatient like our dying Sun
Outside shining
Inside burning.
On the eighth day you will come to me
Naked as the sea which carried you
We will swim and drown unnoticed
For in death
We are Proteanâs pulse.
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Posted: August 15, 2004 7:44 AM PDT; Last modified: August 15, 2004 7:44 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.1788044 Overall Rank: 4904 Comments:
[7]
Jill Stockinger @ 127.0.0.1
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27-Dec-20/4:04 PM
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Reply
canescent moon? having grey or white down? Did not fit, to me. Loved the lines: "I will drown like the Egyptians/ For the weight of water/ Is lighter than this burden of lost love." Gorgeous! Not clear why sands would be called "blasphemous"- Think in to should be "into"- Sounds like she committed suicide? Not sure. Or was drowned accidentally? And you want her to come back- so you can drown together? I get the allusions to Passover- when the Israelites fled Egypt but then the Egyptians chasing them drowned-- and is the "8 nights" a reference to the eight nights of Chanukkah? Why mix two different holidays? Might recommend using 10 to reference the 10 plagues supposedly visited on the Egyptians. Perhaps!
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