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Starting Mode (Free verse) by zenhaircut
Long-haired men drive us crazy Warm hands clench beer cans, Hastening transiting consciousness. She's '96 in jeans and flannel, I'm someone's fleeting daughter. Let's not fastfoward. Smoke-induced nebulous room, We're shortsighted, looking far beyond Gaudy moon-stroked glass, pavement. We dissipate, you and I. Our soles proceed our souls, Heart-beats against linoleum, no longer cold. We danced to bad music, My freeform flail, you, less tense A million stares upon us, disregarded. This is starting mode.

Up the ladder: typography
Down the ladder: Monsters

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Arithmetic Mean: 3.3333333
Weighted score: 4.8013287
Overall Rank: 11130
Posted: June 23, 2004 12:59 PM PDT; Last modified: June 23, 2004 12:59 PM PDT
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Comments:
[6] Dovina @ 17.255.240.138 | 24-Jun-04/5:54 PM | Reply
I'd scratch the first verse.
"Our soles preceed our souls,"
"no longer cold," not needed.
"My freeform flails"
Is your friend really 96 and dancing?
129 view(s)




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