poemranker ::Starting Mode by zenhaircut

DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Free verse № 106350

Starting Mode

Member since 2004 · Posted 23 Jun 2004 · 1 comment

Long-haired men drive us crazy Warm hands clench beer cans, Hastening transiting consciousness. She's '96 in jeans and flannel, I'm someone's fleeting daughter. Let's not fastfoward. Smoke-induced nebulous room, We're shortsighted, looking far beyond Gaudy moon-stroked glass, pavement. We dissipate, you and I. Our soles proceed our souls, Heart-beats against linoleum, no longer cold. We danced to bad music, My freeform flail, you, less tense A million stares upon us, disregarded. This is starting mode.

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mean 3.33 weighted 4.80 rank 11086 views 129 View voting details →

3 votes so far. Yours would make 4.3 votes so far

1 comment

[6] Dovina 24-Jun-04/5:54 PM Reply
I'd scratch the first verse.
"Our soles preceed our souls,"
"no longer cold," not needed.
"My freeform flails"
Is your friend really 96 and dancing?