| Re: For settle by gothwalk |
11-May-02/11:44 AM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
11-May-02/11:49 AM |
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There's just something about the last line that doesn't fit. Also, I think this could benefit from some cummings-esque typographical poetry -- try experimenting.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
11-May-02/11:54 AM |
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I've always ascribed to the notion that if you've got nothing to say, then don't bother others announcing the fact. That being said, this piece certainly (and perhaps unintentionally so) reinforces its title. It's a little vague in its intent and language, and it suffers as a consequence.
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| Re: you are the bell and i am the dog by silvertongueddevil |
11-May-02/12:17 PM |
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The metaphor put forth in the opening line sounds contrived and too forthward to fit with the language of the rest of the piece. I'd suggest omitting the first line altogether.
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