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A bar without alcohol (Free verse) by tre

Here we go. Stretch, breathe begin. Go through the checklist, Waterbottle, towel, walkman. Like a bar without alcohol, guys and girls subtly flirt. Sweaty bodies and skimpy clothes, one girl removes her shirt. Oh, irony. Cigarettes rest on the treadmill. Obesity or lung cancer, one of them will kill. Is this really a gym? Televisions, music, magazines. All this to entertain and distract, the overweight, unmotivated teens. They don't need to be here, with their defined calves and muscular shoulders. Make way for flabby arms and chunky legs, who add to strong, musty odors. An endless sea of bodies, striving to be fit and lean, Gross! Someone forgot to wipe down their machine. Collapse from exhaustion, as legs turn to jello. Beads of sweat fall, a loud, relieved bellow. Stretch, breathe, leave. Only to return again and repeat the cycle. The neverending search for a hottie, and oh yea, the Perfect body.

ggawrysi 13-Apr-04/10:54 PM
this poem is different and refreshingly unique. however, i think that you could have spent more time on it; it sounds like you accepted the first rhyme that came to your head instead of looking for a better word that flowed more. for ambitious creativity, you get an 8




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