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The March of Ones Death (Free verse) by LuckyJoe

I'm not happy with the end. It needs work... that much I can see. But for now this should do. Just looking for some comments right now. Any direction in where to do with it would be grateful. Thanks for all your help in advance. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The preacher spoke of death and rebirth, How the body is a meaningless container. Without body where would the soul be held? Expressed to us how God is the keeper of souls, Giving to us everything he has, and ever had. Building with his hands our internal home. Sullen footsteps march on, Saddened souls marching a sorrowful parade, Towards vehicles joining the brigade, Following the body about to be put to rest, Empty minds fill with thoughts of remembrance, Until at the gates of the cemetery, Again join the masses in pray. In mind speak to the recently passed, Wishing well asking to be watched over, Give comfort to self. Tears fall staining the ground, Looking around sadness is all that’s seen. If this is the end… What does life mean?

Druid_Girl_1984 26-Sep-03/8:33 PM
maybe you should say "the recently departed" ?? but other than that i like it -8- = )




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