despair is the name I give this darkness that rises around me like a lover, that rides me like a second skin, that beats inside my blood; a tidal waveform of desire and frustration. despair is the name I give this insanity when it takes my name, and wears my face, and wails my fears aloud; a puppetmaster hidden inside my soul. despair is the name I give myself when I react instead of acting, when I speak without thinking, when all the masks slip- and leave me standing, naked. 7/1/99 JV.