Joe-joe11 Sep 2003

JB,

Your work is interesting. You obviously have a lot of passion and feeling. This comes across powerfully in your work. There are lines as well as ideas here that are fabulous...they fit into the context of the poems theme and flow nicely. Unfortunately there are other lines that seem to be remotely related to your theme and forced in terms of rhythm and rhyme. This cheapens your work..which has the potential to be quite good. Also I notice that most of your work has a short cadence about it. Its sometimes choppy. I'd also consider shortening this piece. But as I said, there are parts that I really liked. Joe-Joe