At this moment, I could be the only man alive who can simultaneously nuke a meat free, soy protein link of fake Bratwurst, smothering the dog with Gray Poupon while treading over a 70's shade of yellow linoleum kitchen floor on slave-made sneakers simultaneously constructing a “poem”, and suckling a hysterical infant boy on an oral syringe of blue, liquid morphine. But as he consumes his fix, I will be another baggy eyed, stay home dad- too lazy to change out of formula stained sweatpants, changing a diaper of liquid feces.