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Blue Fuckin' Moon (Free verse) by lastobelus

Then he's got his god-red little footsies hanging off the dock smelling out the little fishies staring at the moon. Stone-black caught in silhouette, go go go amber glint, we are swimming 'round a bottle, laughing TV commercial Faulkner doom, pass the pass the back 'n' forth ass, the peach-girl throat caught in sudden beauty-- ok, laugh the random fractal beauty of it all: there it is, the sweet liquor moon, same one 200-odd nights a year, 4 billion years running. Crystalline, her sweet pie lips in big O, falls off the dock and disturbs the great white swath into a zillion tiny ripples and I laugh a strong liquor gurgle into the dying throat of the world. Crystaline floats away on her back and the moon shadow goes still again-- then Louie waves his "god my damn feet hurt" tootsies in the water, playing a little game with the blue fuckin' moon.

poetandknowit 16-Mar-03/7:33 PM
Some pretty good writing in here surrounded by obvious influences that take the voice from your own. Find out who you are in this piece and make it work. A thoughtful rewrite would clean things up.




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